I really should just write this stuff down before I lose my train of thought. I lose it very easily, not much flows well through this rock between my shoulders anymore. Always clouded with thoughts like, "why is the dishwasher so horribly loaded?", and, "I better fold that pile of 8 loads of laundry on the couch before the dog pees on it again, or the kids decide to have a fashion show with my granny panties." Or I might have the glimmer of a totally brilliant, million dollar idea that could change our lives entirely, and then the 4 year old boy emerges from the bathroom with a sanitary pad stuck to his forehead saying, "why do you have sticky diapers, mom?" Yes, motherhood kind of pushes everything else out, and I fear that after 8 years of it, I may be showing signs of mental illness. Serious. In a serious, paranoid personality disorder sort of way. So I just have to try to debunk all the symptoms and attribute them to something else to prevent myself from getting paranoid about being paranoid.
I mean, first off, why NOT be paranoid? What's wrong with that? Keep your guard up, pistols loaded, ready to jump into action at any sort of trouble. Yes. That's me. Hence my inability to sit and relax. There's no time to sit and relax with 3 kids running amok and creating and re-creating the same messes time and time again. Paranoid? Yes in indeed. Paranoid that my house will begin crawling with bugs, or perhaps that the baby will suffocate in a mountain of Lego. So that's a totally justifiable paranoia. Indeed.
So people suffering from a paranoia disorder have a deep mistrust of others; others are out to get them, or are having malicious thoughts about them. This is not being paranoid. This is about being realistic! House, mortgage, credit cards, house taxes, dog licenses, payments, payments payments, threats, telemarketers, loans, banks, government. YES EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOU! It is indeed true. Generally they want your money, and if you don't give it to them, or give them their money back, they will certainly come after you. So yes, be paranoid. Run for the hills if you must. It's a greedy world out there. No, I do not like hanging out in the yard with the kids. Yes, I like to play with them and watch them laugh and play, but when that telemarketer comes to your door, or that lovely old man comes to save your soul with his pamphlets, or that crazy dog license lady comes to bother you, you can't ignore the door if you are outside. And then you have to deal with them. And I don't want to deal with them, and I don't plan on saying yes, but I hate to say no, and I'd rather just avoid it all if at all possible. Hence the person with paranoia isolating themselves from the world. Maybe if it was a little more pleasant out there we'd spend more time with all the strangers....uuuggghhhh.
So yeah, I generally have a lack of trust in people, particularly strangers. When you approach me, state your intentions, please. Friend, foe, creditor? Want to buy me a coffee? I'm in.
OK, next on the agenda, a lack of romantic appetite. Seriously? 3 kids..."mommy pick me up, mommy mommy! Hey mom? Mom I'm hungry, get me this, wipe my bum, I barfed, I peed my pants, and I pooped a little, too, mommy! mommy? Mooooooommmmmmy!!?? get me this! get me that! mommy!" All day all day all day. I'm needed, wanted, touched, grabbed, clung too, hugged, kissed, kicked, pooped on, cried on, spilled on. Do I NEED any more physical contact? Most days? No.thank.you!
And yes, I am indeed over sensitive, but I attribute that to lack of sleep, being on edge (from drinking too much coffee to compensate for the lack of sleep), and a general dislike of being contradicted, challenged or told I am wrong. Because generally, I am just right. Sorry, but I just believe that I am right in most situations (just as we ALL do, I'm just not afraid to admit to my rightness!! LOL). This is the excessive self-importance of those with paranoid personality disorders have (as stated by Wikipedia). I think all of us, and parents in general do have a certain sense of self-importance. We are pretty important, damnit!
So yes, I think many aspects of parenthood can mimic different personality disorders, I just happen to be overly paranoid, over dramatic, unromantic, and self righteous. This is entirely uh....er....normal? Hmmm. or maybe I am a few phone calls away from a trip to the mental hospital....not sure. Although I'm sure the hospital with all their happy white padded walls sure could be peaceful sight for a gal like me.....
I mean, first off, why NOT be paranoid? What's wrong with that? Keep your guard up, pistols loaded, ready to jump into action at any sort of trouble. Yes. That's me. Hence my inability to sit and relax. There's no time to sit and relax with 3 kids running amok and creating and re-creating the same messes time and time again. Paranoid? Yes in indeed. Paranoid that my house will begin crawling with bugs, or perhaps that the baby will suffocate in a mountain of Lego. So that's a totally justifiable paranoia. Indeed.
So people suffering from a paranoia disorder have a deep mistrust of others; others are out to get them, or are having malicious thoughts about them. This is not being paranoid. This is about being realistic! House, mortgage, credit cards, house taxes, dog licenses, payments, payments payments, threats, telemarketers, loans, banks, government. YES EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOU! It is indeed true. Generally they want your money, and if you don't give it to them, or give them their money back, they will certainly come after you. So yes, be paranoid. Run for the hills if you must. It's a greedy world out there. No, I do not like hanging out in the yard with the kids. Yes, I like to play with them and watch them laugh and play, but when that telemarketer comes to your door, or that lovely old man comes to save your soul with his pamphlets, or that crazy dog license lady comes to bother you, you can't ignore the door if you are outside. And then you have to deal with them. And I don't want to deal with them, and I don't plan on saying yes, but I hate to say no, and I'd rather just avoid it all if at all possible. Hence the person with paranoia isolating themselves from the world. Maybe if it was a little more pleasant out there we'd spend more time with all the strangers....uuuggghhhh.
So yeah, I generally have a lack of trust in people, particularly strangers. When you approach me, state your intentions, please. Friend, foe, creditor? Want to buy me a coffee? I'm in.
OK, next on the agenda, a lack of romantic appetite. Seriously? 3 kids..."mommy pick me up, mommy mommy! Hey mom? Mom I'm hungry, get me this, wipe my bum, I barfed, I peed my pants, and I pooped a little, too, mommy! mommy? Mooooooommmmmmy!!?? get me this! get me that! mommy!" All day all day all day. I'm needed, wanted, touched, grabbed, clung too, hugged, kissed, kicked, pooped on, cried on, spilled on. Do I NEED any more physical contact? Most days? No.thank.you!
And yes, I am indeed over sensitive, but I attribute that to lack of sleep, being on edge (from drinking too much coffee to compensate for the lack of sleep), and a general dislike of being contradicted, challenged or told I am wrong. Because generally, I am just right. Sorry, but I just believe that I am right in most situations (just as we ALL do, I'm just not afraid to admit to my rightness!! LOL). This is the excessive self-importance of those with paranoid personality disorders have (as stated by Wikipedia). I think all of us, and parents in general do have a certain sense of self-importance. We are pretty important, damnit!
So yes, I think many aspects of parenthood can mimic different personality disorders, I just happen to be overly paranoid, over dramatic, unromantic, and self righteous. This is entirely uh....er....normal? Hmmm. or maybe I am a few phone calls away from a trip to the mental hospital....not sure. Although I'm sure the hospital with all their happy white padded walls sure could be peaceful sight for a gal like me.....
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